making things that dont fit. crap.

so, sitting at home (not really, but being off work) for 4 days is amazing. i ate an assload of food for thanksgiving, and then did that again friday, saturday and sunday. hit some amazing garage sales, helped one of my most favorite people in the universe move, ate some huge chalupas, and i mean, these were like the mount everest and mount kilamanjaro of chalupas... and then on my last day off decided to make some clothes. success! i made some really cute stuff this weekend- like, daaaaamn, thats cute, cute.

but... problemo. my big ol' turkey gut doesn't fit them! well, my turkey gut doesn't fit into one thing. the other two things i made are actually too big. perhaps ill wear them to conceal said turkey gut until it goes away... except for one is a skirt and the other is a dress.... so i could wear that skirt and it'll stay up, but that dress looks like a big ol' burlap sack on me...especially in the chest and no matter how much i eat, i never seem to get turkey boob to match my turkey gut, which does fit the dress quite nicely.

why cant i bloat in proportion to the rest of my body? probably because i would look pregnant. ew. but then again that would be kinda cool because i could eat a whole bunch and then go shopping and get the really good preggo-parking spots! then when my belly wears off i can use all that extra space that was once food filled for shoplifting. but ill only steal more food and then give it to food banks or something and then ill be like the robinhood of sanantonioxly, and ill get a big giant rooster to walk around with me wearing clothes and singing roger miller songs.

ok but back to those clothes. one of these thangs is a little dress i made from a late 1950's pattern, except i made it out of a vintage pillow case and now it looks very very mod. unless you take your fashion tips from my dad. then it looks 'like one of them go-go outfits or somethin.'
i like that one more.
also, i made a little skirt from some old curtain fabric. i think its really cute... or, as our friends down south would say, muchos cuteos.
and then thirdly i made this pretty little ditty from a new pattern. no way in hell is my turkeyness squeezing into this.
looks like you win this round etsy. well played sir, well played...