making things that dont fit. crap.

so, sitting at home (not really, but being off work) for 4 days is amazing. i ate an assload of food for thanksgiving, and then did that again friday, saturday and sunday. hit some amazing garage sales, helped one of my most favorite people in the universe move, ate some huge chalupas, and i mean, these were like the mount everest and mount kilamanjaro of chalupas... and then on my last day off decided to make some clothes. success! i made some really cute stuff this weekend- like, daaaaamn, thats cute, cute.

but... problemo. my big ol' turkey gut doesn't fit them! well, my turkey gut doesn't fit into one thing. the other two things i made are actually too big. perhaps ill wear them to conceal said turkey gut until it goes away... except for one is a skirt and the other is a dress.... so i could wear that skirt and it'll stay up, but that dress looks like a big ol' burlap sack on me...especially in the chest and no matter how much i eat, i never seem to get turkey boob to match my turkey gut, which does fit the dress quite nicely.

why cant i bloat in proportion to the rest of my body? probably because i would look pregnant. ew. but then again that would be kinda cool because i could eat a whole bunch and then go shopping and get the really good preggo-parking spots! then when my belly wears off i can use all that extra space that was once food filled for shoplifting. but ill only steal more food and then give it to food banks or something and then ill be like the robinhood of sanantonioxly, and ill get a big giant rooster to walk around with me wearing clothes and singing roger miller songs.

ok but back to those clothes. one of these thangs is a little dress i made from a late 1950's pattern, except i made it out of a vintage pillow case and now it looks very very mod. unless you take your fashion tips from my dad. then it looks 'like one of them go-go outfits or somethin.'
i like that one more.
also, i made a little skirt from some old curtain fabric. i think its really cute... or, as our friends down south would say, muchos cuteos.
and then thirdly i made this pretty little ditty from a new pattern. no way in hell is my turkeyness squeezing into this.
looks like you win this round etsy. well played sir, well played...

oh good god, i really got a treasure chest!

for realz. so for realz that it has to have a 'z' at the end, i am starting this blog out with a post about the most awesome of the garage sale treasures i have had TO DATE! (by the way, thats a lot of garage sales to compete against)

so good ol' tyler and i set out for a nice day of post-thanksgiving garage sale hunting this past friday... and wouldn't you know it, the very first listing for north central sa was friggin' amazing.

best thing about it was it was one of those tricky ones where you get all irritated because you cant find it in the labarynth of a neighborhood, and then you pull up to the house and it looks like 1 dresser and a box of old shoes, so then youre all like, "WTF!? all those twisty turns for this?" and so you go in so atleast you didnt totally waste your gas and it IS all dressers and crap and so you turn around to leave and there. it. is. THE TREASURE CHEST!
i got this bad ass old trunk from this bad ass old man full of bad ass old stuff for like, $35. let me give you a list of awesome things about this thing, in no particular order:

1. its a big ass chest! i totally need one of those, who doesnt?
2. i can put all my ass loads of fabric in it
3. it doesnt smell bad!
4. it has wheels- BONUS! i have retard-o arm problems so that is a plus for my lack-o-muscles
5. there's stuff in it? i get that too? (sales guy says 'oh yeah')
6. the stuff in there is even better than the trunk its self!

heres list of the trunk's contents... a.k.a. a list of awesome-ness... (listy day i s'pose)

1. a world war one red cross hat
2. an early 1900's sleeping bonnet
3. a 1920's dress that i might have to eat my way into fitting
4. a vintage slip
5. 3, count them, 3 severely handicapped mink... part of a shawl maybe? i hope so.
6. a pristine fur capelet
7. whaaaaa????? another pristine fur capelet!
8. WHAAAAA????? a friggin' fur shawl too! perfecto!
9. a weird black square piece of fabric? pfffft, thats going in the scrap box.
10. possibly part of a jester hat, or purse, or pants... i was confused and threw it away...
11. a STUNNING fascinator with curly little red feathers, and
12. extra molty black feathers!

now, is that a treasure chest or what?! PLUS, its not a haunted chest. i know this, because the guy told me so. PLUS PLUS, tyler got a huge box of antique books for $10, with a promise of money being hidden in the pages! so, pretty much he got books o' money. rad. PLUS PLUS PLUS, now that i think about it, maybe it IS haunted because he did say that kinda suspiciously... and if thats that case, perfect! kathy and i have been plotting some sort of ghostly seduction/kidnapping of ryan from paranormal state.
we already think our closets are haunted so im gonna lure him in and tell him "the ghosts only come out when someone is in the closet playing 'seven minutes in heaven' and woah, well look at that, here we are...." then i can have his overly religious ghost hunting babies and all will be good with the world.

especially if i can get the trunk ghost to babysit.